As human beings, our need for external validation has become quintessential. It is a form of instant gratification wherein we make others happy and let that praise make us feel good. However, as the days progress, our minds are so wired into relying on others’ approval that not getting it makes us feel inferior and unaccomplished.
We become so reliant on other people’s approval that we eventually forget to appreciate our efforts and often refrain from taking a slightly different path because we are afraid of rejection and a lack of appreciation.
“Relying on external validation to understand your self-worth isn’t sustainable.” This is a phrase that I personally try to ingrain into the minds of my coaching clients and students. It's okay to have others appreciate you and praise your work, but it should never be your sole driving motivation in life.
This article will explore healthy and effective ways in which you can forfeit your reliance on external validation and approval to progress in life.
Seeking Approval from Others is Limiting your True Self
External validation and a few good words of appreciation might make you happy and giddy momentarily. But did you realize that the constant need for approval from others is preventing you from being your true self?
You become very sheltered in the way you think and approach situations. Instead of doing what you think will matter to you, your objectives are always tailored to meet the satisfaction of other people.
Sometimes, the need for approval from others might hold you back from life-altering opportunities as well. But once you move past that need for external validation, you will realize that your capabilities are enough to push you toward your goals. You don’t need someone else’s stamp of approval to achieve the things that you have always dreamed of.
When you are working on opportunities just to appease others, you will likely push and overwhelm yourself instead of being content and happy about the work you are doing. It prevents you from shining in your own skin and prevents you from giving 100% of your true self.
How to Let Go of the Need for External Validation and Approval
The moment you stop seeking validation, you start thriving. If your motivation only comes from pleasing people and getting their approval, it's time you let go of that feeling.
The constant craving for acceptance is likely making you hide from opportunities with high reward points. You need to overcome this habit before it starts sabotaging your true potential and your journey toward success.
But how do you stop seeking the approval of others? I understand that it's difficult to rewire your mind within a day. So, let’s take things one day at a time.
The following tips should come in handy to take that first step towards self-acceptance and liberation from external validation.
1. Focus on Self-Acceptance
Why do you think most people feel the need for external validation? Nine out of ten times, it is due to a lack of self-acceptance.
We fail to build a strong and powerful sense of self-acceptance, which makes us rely on others’ perceptions of us. Instead of tapping into our true potential, we constantly rely on people to make us feel good about ourselves and the work we do.
The first step to eliminating this habit is to appreciate yourself. Understand that you are capable, and no one has the potential you do. Acknowledge what you are capable of doing instead of waiting for others to make you realize that.
2. Eliminate Negative Self-Talk
Criticism is one of the biggest reasons why we steer clear of new opportunities. As human beings, we are our worst critics, and most of it stems from negative self-talk.
That constant voice in your head telling you that you aren’t good enough or that the work you just did isn’t perfect and up to the mark. While such thoughts might seem harmless now and then, their constant prevalence can undermine one’s confidence very badly.
Instead of taking these feelings lightly, catch these thoughts and work on them. Acknowledge the individual thoughts and replace them with positive affirmations.
You are enough! You are capable! You are valued!
3. Check the Circle of People you Have Around you
Would you be surprised if we said that the people you surround yourself with make all the difference in the world? You are more likely to seek external validation if you don’t surround yourself with people who have your back.
A supportive and uplifting group of friends will motivate you and push you to be better. A group of judgmental friends will nitpick every single thing you do. You don’t need the latter group of people in your life.
Cut off people who heighten your insecurity by dragging you down. You will more likely scramble for their approval, not even realizing that they are capitalizing on your insecurities.
4. Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness is a great tool to drive out negative energies in your life. It allows you to bask in the present moment and reflect on your true potential.
Engaging in mindfulness meditation allows you to drive out the building of negative voices in your head that push you to seek the approval of others.
The more you indulge in positive reflections, the more you will be able to let go of that feeling of dependency. It’s a liberating feeling that allows you to shine just the way you are.
Mindfulness also enables you to collect your thoughts and use them as a driving force toward your success. It doesn’t have to be a one-day transformation. But, you have to start somewhere. Baby steps, as we call them.
Final Words
As a life-leadership coach and trainer, I come across people who think so little of themselves. And I think that’s the primary reason why people often seek that validation from others. Our minds are so wired to be amazing to others that we fail to share that little love with ourselves.
So, my advice to you is – BE NICE TO YOURSELF. You can’t fill others’ jugs if yours is empty.
If you are having a hard time figuring things out, consider a life coaching session with the best life coach in India at Matrrix. Sometimes, all we need is that little push to acknowledge what is already within us.
For details and bookings, visit https://www.matrrix.in/contact-us.
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