There’s a profound quote by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross that I often think about. It says, “People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within.”
Read that twice because in a quest to seek external validation and succumbing to negative self-talk, we often fail to realize that everyone has a light within them that they fail to acknowledge.
Self-belief is more than a catchphrase. It is that choice you make to have a winning attitude, one that’s focused on opportunities, the bigger picture, resilience, and patience. As a life-leadership coach, I have worked with thousands of clients till date, and personal struggles with self-belief have to be one of the top 5 factors that my clients struggle with.
If you are sitting in front of your PC or with your mobile in your hand, trying to figure out ways for building strong self-belief, I have some actionable tips to share (with practical scenarios and examples).
1. Embrace your unique self
As Marilyn Monroe said, “Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and it's better to be ridiculous than absolutely boring.”
Understand that you are a one-of-a-kind individual with a distinct set of skills, experiences, and qualities that no one else possesses. In a quest to chase perfection, we often subdue our uniqueness, thinking that it's subpar and traits that everyone has.
Think of it this way: there has never been and will never be another you in the history of humanity. Sounds cool, doesn’t it?
To illustrate this, let me share a personal story. I once had a client who was a talented artist but struggled with self-doubt. Now, as a coach, I work to partner with my clients to help them tap into their potential and help them see what they are capable of. While working with this client, I encouraged her to recognize the uniqueness of her perspective. Over time, she began to believe in her creative abilities, and her art flourished.
This is just one instance. So, take a moment to reflect on your unique qualities and strengths. Embrace them, for they are the foundation of your self-belief.
2. Challenge negative self-talk
Beverly Angel has a beautiful quote in one of her books that goes, “Turn down the volume of your negative inner voice and create a nurturing inner voice to take its place. When you make a mistake, forgive yourself, learn from it, and move on instead of obsessing about it. Equally important, don’t allow anyone else to dwell on your mistakes or shortcomings or to expect perfection from you.”
Negative self-talk can be a formidable obstacle on the path to self-belief. That inner critic tells you you're not good enough, smart enough, or capable enough.
To overcome these limitations, you must challenge these thoughts and reframe them. This further fosters the importance of self-belief in our minds.
Imagine a scenario where you're preparing for a crucial job interview. Your inner critic might whisper, "You're not qualified for this position. You'll never get it." Replace this negativity with positive affirmations. Tell yourself, "I have the skills and experience needed for this role. I am well-prepared, and I believe in myself."
This shift in mindset can make a difference in how you approach challenges. Remember, the way you talk to yourself matters. Treat yourself the way you’d treat a friend, with the same amount of love and compassion.
3. Set achievable goals
One of our biggest mistakes that wavers our self-belief is biting more than we can chew. Realistic goals are the foundation of a stable self-belief, which means that pushing yourself beyond your limits will make you question what you are capable of and what you aren’t. So, if you were wondering how to develop self-belief, this is where you start.
When you set and attain small, manageable goals, you build a track record of success that bolsters your confidence. Start with goals within your reach, and gradually push your boundaries as you achieve them.
The best way to explain this is with an example of your fitness journey. How often do you hype yourself up to start your fitness journey with phrases like, “I am going to lose 10 kgs within two weeks,” and then crash a week later? If you aren’t in your best physical health, you might not be able to run a marathon right away, but you can go for a 30-minute brisk walk in the evening.
Each milestone reached becomes a stepping stone to greater self-belief. It's like constructing a sturdy bridge to cross the river of self-doubt. The more bridges you build, the easier it becomes to traverse the challenges.
4. Seek feedback and learn from failure
Failure and rejection are part of our lives and often test our self-belief, making us question our worth and capabilities.
However, it's essential to view failure as an opportunity for growth and learning rather than a setback. Seeking feedback and using it constructively can be a powerful tool in building unwavering self-belief.
If you haven’t understood until now, I am a fan of examples and practical life examples when explaining situations, so why not one for this, too? Let’s say you have launched your business, and it's not performing as well as expected.
In most cases, the first thought would be to succumb to the failure and wrap things up even before trying. Instead of dwelling on the failure, seek feedback from customers, colleagues, or mentors. Use their insights to refine your strategy and make improvements. This proactive approach helps you learn from your mistakes and demonstrates your commitment to growth.
5. Surround yourself with positivity
This quote by Oprah Winfrey, “Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher,” is true. We have heard growing up that “You are who you surround yourself with.”
So, to build your self-belief, you need to surround yourself with people who genuinely believe in you and will lift you instead of bringing you down.
Imagine you're on a hike through a dense forest. You need a clear path and a guide who knows the way to reach your destination. Similarly, you need positive influences to navigate the challenges and uncertainties in life. Seek mentors, friends, and communities that encourage growth and believe in your potential.
In my coaching practice, I've witnessed the transformative power of a supportive network. When surrounded by people who believe in you, your self-belief becomes unshakable.
Conclusion
In conclusion, self-belief is not a fixed trait but a skill that can be cultivated and strengthened over time. Building that unwavering self-belief takes time, and it's okay to have setbacks sometimes, but it is how you pull yourself out of the darkness that matters in the end.
If you struggle with self-belief or seek guidance in any aspect of your life, I invite you to reach out for a consultation. My mission as a coach is to empower individuals like you to unlock their full potential and lead fulfilling lives.
For more details, kindly contact my team at +91 92606 65566 or email us at [email protected] / [email protected].
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