“It is as it is. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it. Make it your friend and ally, not your enemy.” ― Eckhart Tolle, [The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment]
Your genetics play a crucial role in how emotional you are. However, it's not limited to that. Instead, it's your habits that influence your emotional stability, especially your mental habits.
You could be sitting here feeling your mind spiral, getting yourself lost in constant bouts of anxiety and worry, or even depression and mood disorders. You could also feel yourself losing your temper over some of the most menial things.
Does that indicate that you are emotionally unstable? Maybe! But, does that mean you have lost yourself to a point of no return? Absolutely not. The easiest way to incur emotional stability in your life is by imbibing mental habits from the beginning of your childhood.
Your aim towards attaining emotional stability is to eliminate the unwanted mental habits that are posing as roadblocks and contributing to persistent emotional suffering.
Top 5 key habits on how to become emotionally stable:
1. Shift and Adjust your Perspective
Negative instances in our lives are unexpected but they aren’t unavoidable at all costs. Sometimes, we are faced with situations beyond our control.
It could be heartbreak from a long-term relationship. It could be a huge loss incurred in your investments. It could be a physical trauma that you experienced. It could be losing someone close to you and the list is never-ending.
No one sits there and expects something “negative” to happen in their lives. But, when something like that happens, our immediate emotional response is to cloud our thoughts with even more negativity.
The best way to counteract this negative inflow of emotions is by shifting your perspective. I am not saying for you to be happy and optimistic 100% of the time. But, a slight adjustment in your perspective can stabilize your emotions a lot quicker instead of pulling you deeper into the well of sorrow and negative thinking.
Every situation in our life that invokes a negative or unstable emotion is wired by hundreds and thousands of alternate possibilities.
Let me give you an example.
Your significant other of five years just broke up with you. It is heartbreaking, no doubt about that. And, it's okay to grieve a relationship that you likely thought was permanent. But, while your mind is directly shifting to “all the things that went wrong,” why don’t you shift your perspective just a little and focus on the good times you shared with your partner?
Shifting your perspective might not magically “heal” you or make you feel better but it allows you to balance your emotions, instead of losing your marbles altogether.
2. Avoid Believing Everything you Think
What separates humans from other primates is our ability to think rationally and creatively. And, that’s one of the many benefits that humans have. But, sometimes, our ability to think becomes our biggest antagonist.
For every creative, positive, and sensationalized idea that our mind produces, it sprouts hundreds, if not thousands of additional, irrelevant thoughts that plague our minds. Our mind is an extremely powerful tool. Not just good thoughts, it is also capable of creating unhelpful thoughts that are downright evil and unwanted. These contribute to the emotional instability that you often experience.
If you have an ingrained belief that all of your thoughts are helpful, it is already a pot or brewing disaster.
As Allan Lokos said, “Don’t believe everything you think. Thoughts are just that—thoughts.”
Additionally, while we are on the topic of thoughts and thinking, remember that overthinking is also a bad mental habit that contributes to poor mental stability – something that you inherently need to let go of.
3. Have Realistic Expectations
“My life is going to be smooth, inherently happy, and without a speck of turmoil.” If this is your expectation out of life, you are already setting yourself up for a big failure. Our lives are anything but a smooth ride.
As most people say, our lives resemble a roller coaster. Some days take you high up while some days can pull you right down. Your emotions will take a hit if you think that your life’s roller coaster only takes you up.
Uncomfortable bumps and unexpected downturns are part of life. It's what teaches us the true essence of living life and it's what allows us to grow – physically, mentally, and emotionally.
So, if you want to imbibe one habit that boosts your emotional stability, it is to have realistic expectations of any and every situation in life.
But, that doesn’t mean you need to set your bar of expectations to the bare minimum. Not everything in your life has to turn out for the worst. In some cases, things can inherently work out the way you envisioned.
It is also harboring realistic expectations that matter. You need to realize that life comes with a series of unexpected punches. You can dodge a few and you can’t dodge a few others. An emotionally stable person will not be shocked when they experience one of these punches.
4. Stop Judging yourself for How you Feel
Emotions are often in our control and in some cases, they aren’t. But, as human beings, our minds are inherently trained to make the worst out of a situation.
What you need to understand and realize is that emotions are meant to be felt. Be it happiness, anger, or sadness – you need to feel them and not be ashamed about it.
Much like how you can’t crank up your happiness anytime you want, you also can’t pull down the trigger to your sadness. So, if you aren’t naturally judging yourself for feeling happy, why are you judging yourself while feeling sad?
“It's normal to feel anxious,” is what you say to others.
“Why do you have to be so weak and anxious all the time,” is what you say to yourself.
See the difference? Our minds are often trained toward being empathetic toward others but we fail to implement the same care and nurturing for ourselves.
If you can console and support your friends when they are feeling down and depressed, why do you have to tell yourself to go with the flow or suck it up when you are feeling similar emotions?
Emotional stability isn’t proportional to repressing your emotions. Instead, it is about feeling, exploring, and navigating through your emotions. It is about not judging yourself and constantly criticizing yourself. Instead, it is about processing your emotions and treating them the same way as you would with someone else’s emotions.
5. Take Action
If nothing of the above works out for you and you still feel your emotions as being unstable and out of your control, the last step is to take charge and take action. Going through an emotional turmoil means that you are more likely going to feel less energy and less motivation.
And, while that’s fine, it doesn’t have to be your whole life’s motto. Getting things done at such low points of your life can be difficult. But, the only way to stabilize your emotions is to take action.
Start with finding an answer to a simple question, “What can I do to make this situation better?”
It is easy to stay stuck in your life but it takes a lot of willpower, zeal, and prowess to move on with your life despite the challenges that life throws at you. When you decide to keep going, it is a sign that you haven’t given up and that’s what allows you to stabilize your emotions and take control over your life.
Your activities directly drive your emotional health and that’s not just a saying but a factual truth. When you are already beaten down and feeling low and depressed, the lack of productivity further reinforces those negative emotions, making it difficult for you to pick yourself back up.
So, start by creating an action plan that supports and optimizes your mental health and stability. Your action plan is subjective to your emotional needs. If exercising makes you feel better, do that. If you feel better making your own food, do that.
As Hiral Nagda said, “Let today be the day where you rise above the excuses.”
Final Words
Being emotionally stable doesn’t mean you have mastered all your emotions and life would be a smooth ride from there on. Our lives are still unpredictable and negative things are still bound to happen one way or another.
Practicing and honing these habits for emotional stability ensures that you have potential control over whatever life throws at you. Instead of falling apart and reacting without any inhibition, a solid foundation of emotional stability allows you to “ride” things out in a calmer manner.
If this route of training people’s minds to strengthen their emotional stability intrigues you, the Neuro-linguistic programming technique could be a career path you could be headed towards. As an NLP practitioner, you get to be the vector that drives clients toward their emotionally stable selves. Matrrix also offers ICF-certified coaching certifications and a Mindfulness dual-certification program, among other things.
Considering a career in this? Register for Matrrix’s Certification Programs and learn with Dr. Paras.
Until next time, take care of yourself and make good choices in life!
Video link : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PkX57aN79TI
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